This Is What We Were Made For

“When good is found and we embrace it with abandon, we embrace the Giver of it. Yes, in church on Sunday at 10:30 a.m., but also in the seemingly mundane. In traffic on Tuesday at 5:15 p.m. In a parent-teacher meeting. In the colors of a sunset. On the other end of a tragic phone call. Every second is an opportunity for praise. There is a choosing to be made. A choosing at teach moment. Find God moment by revelatory moment, in the sacred and the mundane, in the valley and on the hill, in triumph and tragedy, and living praise erupting because of it. This is what we were made for.” -- David Crowder, Praise Habit

Questioning

My Colbie Caillat CD is playing for the 3rd time this evening and it is perfect background music.

Nothing seems right. I kind of thought I had life figured out, but then everything fell apart. Everything I thought was good and right suddenly seems pointless and worthless and useless. I don't really know what to do because nothing I do seems right and maybe there is no right. I don't know what my purpose is. I don't know why I'm here.

Maybe it's just the end of a year. My kids are leaving me. My kids who I've spent 178 days with. Who love me. Who I didn't put enough care into. Who are moving onto 3rd grade lacking skills and lacking character because I didn't teach them everything they needed to know.

Going to church, to Bible study, always seemed the right thing to do. And I loved it. But my church activities ate up so much time that it hurt the people I care about. And so now I question everything. I'm tired of people at church thinking I'm the perfect person that I can never live up to.

Let me live
I don't want to be the rock stuck in the stream
I want to choose
I'm tired of the treadmill
I want to be alive again
Let me create, learn, dream, hope
Let me be alive

Maybe...

I might start blogging again.